I’m at that age where the large majority of my friends are either married, engaged to be married, or in relationships where marriage is pretty much inevitable. I know, sounds horrible…haha…but no, I love most of their partners as much as them at this point, and very few of them are the vomit-inducing type of couple that you’re (you being the single people out there) thinking of.
In fact, just tonight I had dinner with one of my girlfriends who got married within the past year. I ask how they are doing, and she responds with something along the lines of “He’s a little shitter who acts like he’s 21…” and went on to give me a little taste of what she was talking about. What I loved about every second of listening to her was that, regardless of her complaining, she was so clearly in love with him! It didn’t matter that on the surface she seemed miserable hating her husband. Deep down, I could see that she was so happy and in love.
I guess I’m really lucky to be surrounded by a lot of girlfriends with really great guys as their partners. Then again, they are in the early years, and I’m sure we will have lots of ups and downs to be there for each other through when it comes to relationships…
I have always been a skeptic of monogamy. I’m not sure why. I mean, my parents are still happily married after more than 30 years together. Both sets of grandparents also had long monogamously successful (as far as I know) relationships. I’ve had good role models when it comes to monogamy and long term relationships. I guess my 20-something self just can’t imagine being with the same person forever and ever and ever.
I was really excited to see this clip by Dan Savage discussing swinging and monogamy. Now, as much as I’m a skeptic about monogamy, I’m going to be monogamous. I know that about myself. I couldn’t be in an open relationship or swing with someone that I cared about deeply. I’m too jealous…well, maybe jealous isn’t the right word. But, I just couldn’t handle sharing (possessive maybe? haha..not that that’s much better). Regardless, any couples that I know who have navigated this well are incredibly satisfied, until they stop navigating it well. More satisfied than any monogamous couples I know, that’s for sure. It takes a lot of open communication…without that, it fails.
I agree with Dan that monogamy isn’t natural. Never has been. Lions…they aren’t monogamous. Infidelity research (I’ve done a lot of it) shows that humans aren’t very monogamous either, with around 25% of couples cheating at some point. But just because it isn’t natural doesn’t mean it isn’t attainable.
There is an awesome book, called The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities that my friend Crystal told me to read years ago and it turns out it is one of my favorites to date. It is all about navigating polyamorous relationships well. If you’re interested in this stuff, read it!