Can you have one without the other? I’m not so sure….
In the pilot episode of Sex and the City, Samantha says “I want to have sex like a man” – what she meant was, I want to have sex without emotion, without attachment, and without fuss. For some reason (a reason beyond the scope of this post), we are surrounded with messages that women are emotional and men are just not. We are also surrounded with information that supports rewards for men who sleep around but punishment for women who do the same.
I’ve had this discussion with so many friends, many of which are supporters that women and men are just wired differently. I have other friends who would dispute that argument and would instead argue that women and men are wired the same, but women have been socially constructed to get emotionally attached. I have other friends who would argue that it has nothing to do with gender.
I’ve come to the conclusion that sex and emotion can be separated. However, I think it requires deliberation. I think it can be done – with conscious effort.
Maybe its people-specific. With some people, you can draw a line….with others, you can’t. It’s rarely a perfect combination of both parties being entirely invested the same amount. That perfect balance is rare.
Maybe it has something to do with how “into” someone you are. If you don’t see long-term potential, it is likely easier to separate the two. If you see long-term potential, it makes it harder and a conscious effort has to be made to remain in check.
Regardless…it’s pretty complex.