Tag Archives: balance

Depersonalizing the Personal

As I mentioned in my last post, I found it difficult with FOX to make my writing more relatable, without disclosing personal details of my own sex life. Some sex researchers are comfortable disclosing personal details, and I salute them for that. I’m just not able to do it. I want to be known for my research and insights, and would like to keep my personal sexual experiences private.

Not only that, but I recently had a friend tell me that he didn’t know what to think about how I would react if he said he had feelings for me because I would look at him as “one of the nameless faceless subjects in [my] readings” because my view when I write seems so impartial. The combination of hearing him say that and being asked by FOX to make my writing more relatable certainly got me thinking.

So, now I’m struggling with how to improve my writing to seem more relatable and “warm” without disclosing personal details of my own sex life. I’m sure there is a way to do that…I mean, famous sexpert Sue Johanson certainly didn’t disclose her own sexcapades to those she educated, yet she touched upon many personal topics.

I’m sure it will be a growing process that could take time. But I’m pretty determined to try and strike that balance of warmth and privacy when writing on a topic that so many can relate to on such a personal level…including myself.

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Can You Have Sex Without Emotion?

Can you have one without the other? I’m not so sure….

In the pilot episode of Sex and the City, Samantha says “I want to have sex like a man” – what she meant was, I want to have sex without emotion, without attachment, and without fuss. For some reason (a reason beyond the scope of this post), we are surrounded with messages that women are emotional and men are just not. We are also surrounded with information that supports rewards for men who sleep around but punishment for women who do the same.

I’ve had this discussion with so many friends, many of which are supporters that women and men are just wired differently. I have other friends who would dispute that argument and would instead argue that women and men are wired the same, but women have been socially constructed to get emotionally attached. I have other friends who would argue that it has nothing to do with gender.

I’ve come to the conclusion that sex and emotion can be separated. However, I think it requires deliberation. I think it can be done – with conscious effort.

Maybe its people-specific. With some people, you can draw a line….with others, you can’t. It’s rarely a perfect combination of both parties being entirely invested the same amount. That perfect balance is rare.

Maybe it has something to do with how “into” someone you are. If you don’t see long-term potential, it is likely easier to separate the two. If you see long-term potential, it makes it harder and a conscious effort has to be made to remain in check.

Regardless…it’s pretty complex.

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