It’s always exciting when you’re in a new relationship with a guy: everything is going amazingly well, and he says he wants to introduce you to his friends. Exciting – yes. Terrifying – you betcha! What will these friends think of you? And exactly how much of an influence do they have on your new man?
When you’re really in love with each other, you see that person through rose-tinted glasses. “This has a lot to do with the influence of a potent neurochemical called dopamine that causes you to focus wholeheartedly on the person you’re in love with,” explains sex therapist and founder of Good In Bed, Ian Kerner. “You tend to wear blinders when it comes to other people’s thoughts and feelings.” This is where the phrase “love is blind” comes from. Things about that person that may be annoying to others – or are warning signs – are usually ignored. People have often cast aside friends and family to pursue love.
That said, friends can have a big impact, especially in the beginning when you’re trying to form your initial impressions, before the blind love sets in. Typically, “guys who have bromances with their buddies tend to be more influenced by what their friends think,” says sex educator and Good in Bed expert Amy Levine. “If the bunch is mostly single, you can bet that a suggested hook-up will take precedence over taking a relationship to the next level.”
If his friends think you are hot and perfect for him, he is much more likely to see you as hot and perfect. However, if they equivocate or see flaws, he might see them too – of course, he might also tell his friends to go screw themselves. But, says Kerner, “The impressions of good friends should be heeded. Lust is a little like driving drunk. It’s important to have the opinions of someone you can trust to take the wheel.”
Some men have a core group of friends, are grounded, want a relationship, and are able to call their own shots. These men tend to consider it a ‘bonus’ if their friends really like their girlfriend. They also tend to be more confident in the idea that their tastes in people cross over from relationships to friendships, resulting in a higher chance of one getting along well with the other. These, ladies are the best types of boyfriends to have!
So, yes, oftentimes it does matter what your man’s friends think of you, but if he is secure in himself and his opinions, he will ultimately be making the decision on you anyway. Isn’t a sure, confident boyfriend what you were looking for in the first place?
This post was originally on Betty Confidential.